The vast majority of people are scared to die, whether it’s because they don’t know what happens after, they’re scared to leave loved ones behind, or most often, because they simply want more life to live.
However, one psychologist, who has spent countless hours with dying patients, reports that most people share one common regret about their life. While we will all knock on death’s door one day, if we make just one big change, we may not have the regrets so many others do.
Bronnie Ware Spent a Decade With the Dying
Bronnie Ware worked as an in-home caregiver for those with just a few weeks left to live for almost ten years. At first, she believed she was there to make them physically comfortable, but she soon realized it was emotional support they craved.
Ware spent quality time with her patients, spoke with them at length, and let them tell her all the things they had never said.
Ware Has Since Written a Book About Her Experience With the Dying
This experience was undoubtedly one of the most challenging of her life, but it was also inspiring and eye opening. After a decade of listening to the dying, Ware decided to write a book about what she learned entitled, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”
The book details many of the regrets patients told Ware as they prepared to leave this life behind, and she says there was one regret repeated more frequently than any other.
The One Common Regret Among the Dying
In her book, Ware reports that the most common regret she heard among her many dying patients was: “I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
After hearing this regret over and over again, Ware decided she wanted to become a psychologist and help the living realize their regrets before it was too late. She has since dedicated her life to showing people how to live true to themselves now, so when they knock on death’s door, they won’t feel the way so many others do.
How to Live Without Regrets
Ware tells her patients now, “It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way before it is too late.”
She tells her patients how she puts this instruction into practice: “I always tell them that to boost my happiness and stop the clock on regret, I work on developing an appreciation for time.”
How to Appreciate Time
In her book, Ware writes, “Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it…But living with an awareness of our own mortality fundamentally changes what we value and how we choose to use our time.”
She continues, “Once you recognize that time is the most precious of all commodities, there will no longer be a disconnect between the choices you want to make and the choices you actually make.”
Realize What Is and Is not Important
One of the ways Ware says the living can make the choices they actually want to make is to realize what does and doesn’t matter.
She writes, “Does the response to your social media post really matter? Does it matter what car you drive? Does it matter that a friend group boxes you out of their social circle?”
Whatever You Wish to Do Now, Do It
Ware also says that if you don’t do the things you want to do now, those will likely be your regrets when the time comes for you to leave this world behind.
She explains, “If you wish you were more present for your two-year-old daughter, you are likely going to have that same regret four decades from now.” All you need to do is make that change now to die without the regret looming over you.
Be Yourself, No Matter Who That Is
As Ware mentioned, most people feel as though they were not true to themselves throughout their lives. They lived for others, doing what was expected of them or following the so-called rules of society.
Instead, Ware says you should and absolutely can live a life that’s true to yourself. She wrote, “In the daily grind, it’s easy to fall out of alignment with what is most important to you.” But if you can stop and realize who you are and what you want, you can change your life.
Treat Every Goodbye Like It’s Your Last One
Ware also explains that one simple exercise to become more present during life and arrive at death’s door without regrets is to say goodbye each time you leave a loved one with intention and gratitude.
She writes, “When you say goodbye to someone, say it as if you might not ever see them again. Say goodbye in a way that you demonstrate the gratitude you have for the time you have spent together.”
Young People Often Feel Like They Will Live Forever
It’s challenging and often scary to imagine our own mortality. The young often feel as though they will live forever, or at least that dying is so far off that they don’t even need to think about it.
However, as Ware has proven, realizing that death is a part of life can and will encourage you to live your life without regrets. You don’t have to wait for a terminal diagnosis or old age to make a change, you can do it today.
You Can Live a Life Without Regrets Starting Right Now
As Ware said, the best way to approach death with no regrets is to “Simply ask yourself what you regret at this exact moment.”
Whatever the answer, make that change in the here and now. Some day, when the time comes, you will be so incredibly glad you did before it was too late.
